 Back when I was 20, the Internet taught me everything I never knew about taboo sex, bizarre fetishes, and obscure fantasies. It all happened when my roommates introduced me to a handful of disturbing (and disturbingly encyclopedic) sites that showed me that some people got off on the idea of playing with excrement, some fantasized about sex with chickens, and still others desperately wanted to be tied up with rubber hoses. It seemed like a twisted and sometimes unsanitary world, but my eyes were opened to the notion that the mind-body connection works in mysterious ways: Even the most depraved thoughts can bring pleasure.
Sexual fantasies, of course, are a normal part of life. In our minds, we can engage in risky behavior without consequences and indulge our inner freak without judgment. But if regular girls like me aren’t exactly stimulated by enemaerotica.com, what are we thinking about while we’re getting down and dirty? To find out, I convinced dozens of women to reveal their most taboo sexual desires. It’s time you learned what she’s really thinking about during sex, why she’s thinking it, and what it says about her. Then you can decide whether to make her wildest fantasies come true—or run!
Her Fantasy: Girl-on-Girl
Congratulations! Turns out your ultimate fantasy is one of hers as well. But before you bring your female assistant home for a threesome, take note that you’re rarely included in this mental picture. One woman described a scenario she masturbates to: “I fantasize that I’m at the gym, alone in the steam room with a beautiful woman. Without talking, we let our towels fall and then start kissing, rubbing, and licking each other until we get off.” What’s the allure? Most girls believe another woman would instinctively understand their bodies and know how to bring them to orgasm. “I can so easily make myself come,” says Alyssa,* 26. “I imagine another woman could do the same. Plus, it’s exciting to imagine how soft and different a woman’s body parts would feel versus a man’s.” If it all sounds a little too Sapphic, rest easy; your girlfriend is probably not a closeted lesbian. More likely, her girl-on-girl fantasy is just an expression of her desire to do something taboo but not totally outrageous.
Your reality: To reiterate—bringing another woman home is, generally, a bad idea. (Sorry!) But you can bring her fantasy into the bedroom with dirty talk. “My ex would let me pretend a gorgeous girl was with us during sex,” says Beth, 30. “I’d tell him what I imagined myself doing to her or what she was doing to me. Just verbalizing it made me come in seconds.”
Kink alert: She’s adventurous but not scarily over-the-top. What do you want—some kind of sploshing freak?
Her Fantasy: Sex With a Stranger
You may stroll down the street and imagine screwing every girl you see, but for women this fantasy feels much more illicit. Whereas you’re expected to be a horn-dog, we’re supposed to be chaste and prim. But we don’t always want to be. “At restaurants, I always fantasize about having a quickie in the bathroom with the best-looking waiter,” says Sasha, 29. “I love the notion of spontaneity combined with the idea that it’s someone I’ll never see again. It seems like the freedom to be as dirty as you want.” The stranger-sex fantasy is rarely about tender lovemaking. In the time it takes a woman to glance at a passerby, she envisions hard-and-fast sex, no names exchanged, him pressing her against a wall in an alley. Theoretically, it’s the perfect scenario: a quick no-strings orgasm, and no worrying whether we’re skanks.
Your reality: The easiest way to approximate this fantasy is role-play. “I’ve heard about couples who pick a meeting place and then act like it’s the first time they’ve met,” says Sasha. “They use fake names, maybe the woman even wears a wig or a disguise. I’d be really into it.”
Kink alert: She’s either got a very healthy appetite for sex or a bad case of ADD.
Her Fantasy: Submission
While many women love to take control in bed, just as many, or more, are enticed by the idea of being rendered completely powerless. “I envision a guy tying me up and having his way with me,” says Laura, 25. “It’s not a violent thing; I have no desire to have a man force himself on me. It’s about succumbing to pleasure.” In fact, total submission is one of the most common female fantasies. “Many women are raised to think sex is wrong, so enjoying it can cause a lot of guilt,” explains Drew Ramsey, Ph.D., a psychiatrist at Columbia University Medical Center.
“This way, it’s not something the woman is doing, but something that’s being done to her.”
Erica, 26, likes to picture her boyfriend tying her up and even using a blindfold or a gag. “I enjoy the thought of him using my body for his pleasure,” she says. “I imagine being helpless and unable to move while he goes from my mouth to my breasts to wherever.”
Your reality: Get out some neckties and go to town, big guy! Just keep things from getting too rough—being tied up understandably makes some women feel anxious. To make her feel secure, establish an unambiguous “safe word” that she can call out if she feels uncomfortable: “fork;” “thunder;” “Hey, asshole, get off me.
Kink alert: Sure, she’s letting you use her. But if she’s tied up, aren’t you the one doing all of the work?
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