The 12 Greatest Video Games to Play on the Toilet
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GAMES
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Forget bran flakes and that old copy of People magazine. Bust out these 12 portable games when you need to make a long, smooth move.
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 6. Every Extend Extra (PSP)
The
only thing you'll be extending is your bathroom time with this
bizarrely addictive UMD. And when we say "extend," we mean turds so
lengthy, a Special Ops agent could use them to rappel down the side of
a building.
Recommended Dose: When you reach a boss, it's time to reach for T.P.
 5. Lumines & Lumines II (PSP)
This PSP puzzler
proved to be so addictive that gamers were bringing the game into the
outhouse with them. Once there, they found themselves so entranced by
the game's techno soundtrack and square-matching action that they not
only shat out all their Whoppers, Doritos, and undigested red meat, but
they also completely lost track of time. Upon finally leaving the
outhouse, they emerged to discover that: 1. they now had Rip Van
Winkle–type beards, and 2. the world had been destroyed by either
nuclear war or that tentacled thing in Cloverfield.
Recommended Dose: One round per john visit.
 4. Phase (iPod)
This music-gaming hybrid from Harmonix, makers of Rock Band and the original Guitar Hero
games, lets you synch your personal playlist with a simplistic, but
completely addictive, video game. Spin your iPod's click wheel in time
with the music, gain multipliers, and earn high scores, all while
squeezing out last night's rectum-scorching beer crap.
Recommended Dose:
Three songs or less per squat. Unless one of the songs happens to be
"Stairway to Heaven." Then, and only then, one song will do.
 3. Tiger Woods PGA Tour 08 (DS/PSP)
Picture
it: The back nine at Pebble Beach. Virtual waves crashing against the
shoreline. A seabird cries from the nearby stand of trees. If this
soothing setting doesn't cause your rectum to dilate, nothing will.
Recommended Dose: Play a hole each time you crap. One round of golf = 18 shits.
 2. Wipeout Pulse (PSP)
We'll
state the obvious: It was the word "wipe" that originally made us haul
this UMD into the john with us. But what made it a john staple was not
the high-speed futuristic racing action, but the game's
weapons—especially that juice-sapping Energy Drawer (it saps the energy
from your opponent while refilling your own tank). Warning: Draining
someone's shields to nil then ramming into them until they explode may
cause intense involuntary crowning.
Recommended Dose: Run a single race of three laps or less per bowel evacuation.
 1. Tetris DS (DS)
Five words: "Come on, long skinny one!"
Recommended Dose: One round per dump. Unless you're a Tetris
pro and your rounds last more than 10 minutes. Because four out of five
doctors agree that sitting on the toilet for more than 10 minutes can
cause damage to your sphincter. And five out of five doctors agree that
staying in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes can raise suspicion
that you are not crapping at all, but enjoying a bout of high-speed
self-pleasure.
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