Completely devoid of any political convictions? Don’t know the difference between a filibuster and a super delegate? Are you looking for a way to choose the next president without ever needing to watch a debate or read the newspaper? Don’t worry. Barack Obama and John McCain have given politically-apathetic sports fans everywhere the perfect criteria for making a choice. 

This week, the two candidates released their NCAA brackets to the general public. For the most part, the two went with safe picks, but the real news comes in their Final Fours. McCain, ever the maverick, stuck with three number 1 seeds, except for a wild number 4 seed Connecticut (which, as of this post, totally effs him).  Was he perhaps catering to the WASP-y Northeast with this pick?

Obama went with the same three number 1 seeds (UCLA, UNC, Kansas), but chose the number 4 seed Pittsburgh, rather than UConn (smart!). It should be noted that while Pittsburgh’s seed is a bit low, they are maybe the hottest team coming into the tournament, having faced a ton of injury adversity earlier this season.  In other words, they’ve had the “audacity to hope.”

Click the brackets below to decide your presidential loyalty

Obama’s bracket

McCain’s bracket: East | South | West | Midwest | Final Four

Did you have trouble convincing your boss to let you take two days off from work to watch the tournament? What, no Good Friday vacation at JP Morgan? We’ve got the solution for you, fresh from the Oregon Urology Institute. Rather than feigning a cough to get out of work, or sneaking peaks at sports websites all day, why not go all out and get a vasectomy? After all, what better excuse is there to sit on the couch for four straight days than recovering from that elective reproductive surgery you’ve been putting off for so long?

CNN.com reports:

"When March Madness approaches you need an excuse ... to stay at home in front of the big screen," the clinic's radio ad says. "Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts. It's snip city."

A local radio station near the clinic is even willing to send a recovery kit of sports magazines and free pizza delivery vouchers for patients/fanatics willing to make the commitment Sounds like a fool-proof plan to us. But maybe you’re worried about second thoughts? Well, someone dumb enough to get their junk cut open to watch basketball once, might just be up for pulling the same stunt next year, reverse-style. And if not, the gene pool probably benefits anyway.

We at Maxim.com naturally have our own friendly little bracket pool and, in the interest of being nice (hey, we thought we’d try it!), we opened it up to everyone. That includes girls. So far we’ve found this to be very lucrative, based on our Associate Managing Editor's selection criteria:

Texas A&M because "I wanted to write an ampersand."

Winthrop because "it sounds like the name of the kid in The Music Man."

Butler because "I didn't want to write an abbreviation for South Alabama."

Kansas State, because "my friend is a huge Kansas fan, but I couldn't remember which one he went to."

Kent, because "our boss's name is Kent (hi, Kent!)."

Oklahoma because "of the musical."

Vanderbilt, because "it sounds fancy."

Texas, because "I don't know what an Austin Peay is."

Memphis, because "I already had two Texas's."

Mississippi State, because "I want a bulldog."

Temple, because "my friend's Jewish and goes to temple."

San Diego, because "I spell Connecticut wrong a lot."

Purdue, because "of the chicken."

Drake, because "it's one syllable."

Christmas almost came early tonight for the Duke haters of the world (a.k.a. the world) as the Blue Devils continued their late-season pillow faceplant against the 56th-to-60th-ranked Belmont Bruins. Since 2004, when Duke lost to UConn in the Final Four, God's Devils haven’t even made it past the Sweet Sixteen. And last year, things only got worse, when Duke tanked in the First Round against Virginia Commonwealth.

Tonight, they were again out-hustled, out-executed, and yes, even (earmuffs, Dickie V) out-coached by a speedy, aggressive Belmont team. The Bruins beat the Blue Devils at the game they patented over the last quarter-century: they won a ton of loose balls, drove the lane relentlessly, and out-shot their opponent from the arc.

The moral of the story: maybe Duke’s naysayers are right. Not that it needs to be said, but the Devils deserved to lose tonight. If we’re the psychics we keep telling you we are (now aren't you pissed you didn't sell Bear Stearns like we suggested?), we’re guessing you’ll see a post on Saturday titled "Duke's Poop: Part II."