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 Ok we get it: Tyler Hansbrough is incredible. The man is averaging over 23 points and 10 rebounds this season, and he’s a leading candidate for Player of the Year. If he comes back for a senior year, he will break every significant Carolina offensive record. However, if you listen to Jay Bilas, Tyler Hansbrough has the possibility to not only be the greatest college basketball player of all time, but also to possibly end the genocide in Darfur, travel through time, and lift huge boulders off of trapped hikers. A few nuggets of wisdom from the venerable college basketball analyst:
Bilas says: “Tyler Hansbrough’s heart exceeds his skill set, and his skill set is considerable.”
We say: For a man with a law degree from Duke University, you’d think Bilas could find a way to vary his blandishments; unfortunately, for anyone who’s been watching the tournament, you know that Bilas has uttered this exact, annoying phrase at least a dozen times since Selection Sunday.
Bilas says: “Hansbrough is never going to be out-worked. I played against Michael Jordan, and believe me, Jordan could not out-work Hansbrough.”
We say: Michael Jordan? Surely you jest! We’re talking about the man who used to fistfight his teammates in Chicago because he demanded so much effort and perfection from them. Not to mention he’s the greatest basketball player who has ever lived.
Bilas says: “Sometimes we just don’t do justice to how skilled this big man is, because all we ever discuss is his effort.”
We say: No, we think Hansbrough’s doing fine on the superlatives. He’s already had his number retired by UNC (keep in mind he’s still playing), he’s racking up Player of the Year Awards and he’s heading the All-American Team for the third straight year. We’re pretty sure he’s not getting the short end of the compliments stick.
Bilas says: “Tyler Hansbrough has agreed to supply nine different hospitals with sections of his enormous heart to use for transplants. With his enormous cardiac capacity, Hansbrough will save the lives of nine very fortunate children, while still retaining enough of his heart to carry North Carolina to possibly its best single season performance ever. He won’t miss even a quarter of playing time, either. That is how much heart he has.”
We say: Ok, we’re making this one up, but seriously, Bilas, enough with the worship!
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