If you’re like us, you didn’t have Davidson winning in the Sweet 16. In fact, if you’re like us, most of your picks aren’t working out. That said, we’re ditching all forms of scientific research and stats and picking the Final Four teams based on what really matters: attractiveness!


Texas vs. Memphis
Yes, the Longhorns wear chaps when they cheer. It’s like what you wish Brokeback Mountain would have been. Memphis may have made it through Conference USA on their mediocre looks, but now they’re playing with the big boys.
Winner: Texas

UCLA vs. Xavier
If cheerleaders decided things, the Bruins would be the No. overall 1 seed, not Carolina. On the other side, Xavier's cheerleaders look exactly like what they are: chicks from Cincinnati.
Winner: UCLA

North Carolina vs. Louisville
The Tar Heels are disqualified for their obnoxious use of that pansy blue. The Cardinals underachieve as well, but their girls win points for overcoming their Midwestern handicap. They all have teeth!
Winner: Louisville

Davidson vs. Kansas
On the court, the Wildcats have been absolutely incredible. Fortunately for them, their cheerleaders are some Cinderellas of their own. Kansas, well...they’re good farm stock. Ready for harvest!
Winner: Davidson