Full disclosure: I'm kind of a nerd and there was a time in my life when Dungeons and Dragons was totally awesome. Now that that's out of the way, there's something I need to address. The willingness to tote around a bag full of colorful dice has always gotten nerd-types made fun of, but now that baseball is back I am reminded that fantasy sports are every bit as nerdy as D&D and World of Warcraft. Argue all you want, but my bag of holding is virtually overflowing with evidence.

THE COSTUMES:
Nerds: They dress up like their characters and head off to conventions to hang out with other dressed-up dorks.
Jocks: They spend hundreds of dollars buying hats, jackets, shirts, customized license plate covers, can coozies, player cards, salsa bowls, memorabilia and jerseys with someone else's name plastered across the back. Then they go pay more money to sit in an arena full of like-minded role players and yell at each other for hours at a time.

For those of you not currently attending high school or working in NASA office services, and lack access to persecutable nerds on a daily basis, the comic book industry stages regional conventions where you can see all the fat versions of your favorite fictional characters.

New York Comic Con was no exception, showcasing only the most ample of future college campus gunmen flossing their muffin-topped costumes like pimps at a players ball. There was Fat Colossus, Awkward-Fitting Cobra Commander, and Dumpy Slave Leia among countless others, all united under the banner of involuntary celibacy.

We would have vigorously applied wedgies, noogies, and whirly bowls to these socially-mutated permavirgins, but our Master Chief armor was far too restrictive.

In addition to the release of new details about the upcoming Hulk and Indiana Jones movies came the announcement of Blue Beetle as new spokesballs for Dasani water.

Two costumes in one, this getup deftly fuses both Princess Leia in slave regalia with her captor, Jabba the Hutt.