Celebrity Bands Must Die
|
ENTERTAINMENT
|
|
When the average person with no musical ability feels a song coming on, they get drunk and do karaoke. When the same thing happens to the average celebrity with no musical talent, they start a band.
|
|
|
Jared Leto—30 Seconds to Mars
We don’t know what kind of rocket ship can take you to Mars in 30 seconds, but if Leto’s band is playing on the rocket stereo, that’s 30 seconds too long.
Bruce Willis—The Accelerators
According to our sources, Bruce Willis quite rightfully has a reason to sing the blues—his pool’s too hot, his sauna’s drafty, and his butler just quit. But that doesn’t mean that you (or anyone other than 40-year-old secretaries) should go and see this chubby bald man huff and puff his way through two hours of mediocre harmonica solos.
Kevin Bacon—The Bacon Brothers
First off, the "Bacon Brothers" sounds like the next fast-food marketing scheme to come out of Burger King HQ—imagine two thick slabs of bacon with googly eyes, walking down the street singing, "We gonna lay ourselves down on a patty tonight, we gonna party tonight." And secondly… Actually, that pretty much covers it.
Chris Jericho—Fozzy
When Jericho’s wrestling career was over, he thought to himself, How am I going to find another career where you can oil your shirtless torso up and strut around in leather pants? Four seconds later, he started Fozzy, a sort of rock'n'roll tribute band that attracts more or less the same kind of people that wrestling does—those who are entertained by half-dressed men in tights.
Steven Seagal—Thunderbox
Apparently Seagal named the band after an experience he had with a female weight lifter who’d worked out her thigh muscles to the point where she could actually cause a violent downpour to… Well anyway, you get the picture. It’s also worthwhile to note that America’s number one supplier of mobile compost toilets is also called Thunderbox—no crap!
|
|
|
|
![](http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/maxim.dart/entertainment;kw=entertainment;pgs=back;tile=3;sz=300x250;ord="+cachebreaker+"?)
|
|
|